Embracing Me

Me is an ordinary looking girl. Me is not an Australian size 6 or 8.
Nor is Me tall and skinny. Me does not have big eyes and beautifully
shaped nose. Me’s body is not as proportional as Me wants it to be. Me’s
weight is heavier than what Me desires.

Me’s appearance is just so plain that Me will fade when she stands next
to a supermodel.

Me’s personality is also not that great. Me is not as patient, or
loving or caring, or gentle, or humble as Me thinks she should be. Me
talks loudly and firmly. Me’s face looks scary, some people told Me.
It’s probably the combination of small and slightly angled eyes that
makes Me looks like she is ready to slap your face at any time.

Me has been in situation when people think that Me is a bossy,
annoying, over the top and fierce lady. To be honest, sometimes Me is
like that. Especially when Me sees that something is not just or just
not right.

Me has a vision, you see, that vision is to develop herself and make
her more like Christ. But when people read this line, they will usually
think of someone who is very soft spoken, lady like, won’t say no to
anything, or basically just someone who is really meek.

Me can’t do that! Me’s personality is way the opposite. But since Me
had the determination to follow God dearly and obediently, Me forced
herself to do this. A couple of years ago, me started to speak very
formally and softly. But Me’s friends think that Me was weird and they
didn’t like it. They liked the Me who is loud and ready to burst into
laughter at any time.

They didn’t like the Me who won’t speak her own mind. Me’s good friends
said that they like the fact that Me is not afraid to tell them the
negative sides of things, not just trying to make them feel good but letting
them fall.

Me’s good friends ask Me not to change. Me’s parents want me to change.
They don’t understand Me, you see… which is not surprising as Me
doesn’t understand herself a lot of times. Me constantly changes and
develops. Me’s parents can’t understand why Me has chosen to be a
Disability Support Worker, or a personal carer, while me has an
Information Systems and Business degree.

They want Me to do an office work. But Me doesn’t like office jobs!
With Me’s personality, she needs to constantly divert her
hyper-activitiness and vivid personality. In this job, Me finds her self
worth. It’s funny how you start to appreciate yourself when you are put
in a situation with people who are less fortunate.

Although some of Me’s clients have Acquired Brain Injury, intellectual
disabilities, physical disabilities etc… a lot of them have shown Me
that despite all that, you can still enjoy live and be interesting
people who can make others happy!

You see, some of them were born with it and some acquired it because of various circumstances. Some of them become bitter but most of the clients Me is working with are actually still friendly, fun people. Although some of them have intellectual disability as well as physical disability and many of them can’t actually talk; Me still finds that there are ways to have fun with them.

You see, they make Me see the beauty of life and God’s grace in every thing. Although these people are ‘disadvantaged’, they are actually just like Me. They have personalities and they are just like Me, basically. Me thinks the conditions that they have are like a thick big curtain that makes it harder for Me to see the real them. But as it takes effort and energy to draw a thick curtain, it does take more effort and willingness to understand them.

In fact, the quirkiness in Me, makes it easier for Me to have fun. As for Me, having fun does not necessarily mean going to the movies, dinner or things like that. Me have fun by having a client lifting Me’s leg to help me stretch, Me is fine with lying and rolling on the floor with them. Me has no boundaries in having fun as long it is still within Me’s personal value system.

When someone sees Me doing things, they might smirk when it’s not actually that cultured of Me to act like a kid or outside our typical manner system. But Me is happy when Me sees Me’s clients having fun outside the ‘norms’ and Me has a great excuse to act like a kiddo.

So Me starts to thinks….

Me thinks long and Me thinks around and around the block. Me sees how these people, although they are limited by some many things, they can actually teach people a lot of things. People like Me, especially.

Me is a person who sometimes is not grateful of the blessings and things that Me has, sometimes. Me does not like Me so much and Me wants to change Me so much because Me wants to be perfect. But too bad, Me is not perfect. Me will never be perfect, Me can only be good enough, probably.

But Me’s clients are the best teachers of life that Me has ever had. They made Me realize the true meaning of being grateful and the true meaning of being a blessing. They have been a big blessing to Me. Me gets paid to do the job, but to be honest, the amount of things that Me’s clients have contributed towards Me’s self development and wisdom worth so much more than what money can buy.

Psycologists are expensive and Me learns about Me and other things for free so Me thinks that this is superb.

Me appreciates life and Me’s self better now. Me can accept Me’s limitations and imperfections better. Me starts to understand that although Me is not the best woman around, Me can still be a good influence to other people. And that’s one of the goals in Me’s life. But this can only be achieved when Me stops focusing on Me’s limitations and focus on the things that Me can do while having fun at doing it!

Me still has bad personality traits that Me and other people dislike. Me still has physical imperfections that will never enable Me to be a model. Me still does mistakes that hurt other people but please be patient, God is not finished with Me yet. And Me is not finished with Me yet. Me wants to grow more. Striving to be wiser and more like the one Me worships, Christ Jesus… as silly as it might sound to other people, but Me thinks that whatever can change Me to become better is the thing that is worth to go all the way for. Me wants to stop being perfect in human’s eyes.

Me wants start to see Me’s self the way God sees Me because of these precious clients that were put in Me’s path. Me is a valued, worthy human being.

Me knows that although unpleasant things happen in life, it’s not God’s fault. Sometimes it can be people’s fault or Me’s fault but if Me can learn and grow from them and become a wiser person after that, Me thinks that it is the best achievement in life.

Because that is what Me is going to take when Me dies one day. Me.

I will embrace Me.